Pat Answers

“All things work out for good to those who love the Lord. Just trust Him.” I heard someone say.

Really? Why did He allow this to happen then? I kept this thought and the others going through my mind to myself. I bit my tongue, smiled, and thanked her.

As I worked through the pain of losing my husband to homosexuality, I tried to make some normalcy in my life. Word got out about my situation and I started to hear all the pat answers Christians give: trust God, He will see you through, give it over to Him, all things work out for good, etc.

While I believed these to be true, they were hard to hear in the middle of my storm. The pain was too raw and these words festered my wounds like acid melting plastic. It hurt and didn’t help.

We mean well when we say things like this, but we must think before we speak. This experience has taught me to choose my words wisely when I see someone hurting. Simply saying “You are in my thoughts and prayers” or “I will pray for you” means so much more than giving pat answers.

If you are going through a storm right now, let me know and I will pray for you.

John 14:27 (NIV)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.


  4 comments for “Pat Answers

  1. RJ Appel
    August 2, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    WOW! Thanks for the ‘from the heart’ reminder. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

    PS: Is it the 9th yet?

  2. Heather
    August 3, 2010 at 9:06 am

    Bless you.

  3. susan steeves
    August 4, 2010 at 7:56 am

    Hey Dar,
    You have touched on an issue we all need to think about. I think we “give the pat answers” out of awkwardness and shock sometimes. You are right that we need to stop, listen, ponder, and pray. KEEP WRITING. Love you lots. Sis Sue

  4. August 7, 2010 at 10:43 am

    Hi Darlene,

    How right you are to share such a burden for we are instructed to share one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. I know God walks with you as you continue on in life and His grace will be suffiecient for you. Your future is bright in Him.

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