I’m so excited to have the amazing and talented DiAnn Mills sharing on my blog today. She’s not only a dear friend, but my mentor and a huge influence in my writing journey. Her upcoming book, Lethal Standoff, releases September 3rd.
Surviving Family Secrets
All families experience secrets as kids, teens, and adults. While some family secrets, like surprise parties, bring joy, others can inflict lasting harm, damaging confidence, mental health, relationships, and spiritual well-being.
Sensitive secrets designed to protect family members take understanding, such as adoption, criminal conviction, financial issues, sexual assault, substance abuse or addiction, and others that children need maturity to process, or a family member is ashamed and expresses a desire to maintain silence.
Shame, distrust, resentment, bitterness, addictive behaviors and more are the detrimental side of secrets.
We are humans who make mistakes. Survivors admit to failures, but some people are either unaware, refuse to acknowledge wrongdoing, or simply can’t apologize. Our world is full of imperfect people, but we can do our best to mirror our lives after Jesus.
I hope you are not struggling with any of the damaging problems. With guidance, counseling, prayer, and hard work, victims can survive devastating family secrets.
Over the years, I’ve seen family dysfunction/secrets destroy lives. The following is my list of signs that indicate a loved one or friend might need help.
- Refuses to talk about their growing up years or claims those years were perfect in every way.
- Blames God for everything that goes wrong in their life.
- Failure to communicate with family and others.
- Discouraged to invite others to their home.
- Makes excuses for family behavior.
- Controls their relationships within and outside of the family.
- Isolates from others.
- Chooses few friends.
- Suffers from an eating disorder.
- Neglects to answer phone calls, texts, or email with the excuse of being too busy.
If you or someone close to you has experienced family secrets that have damaged your mental, physical, and spiritual life, here are a few suggestions.
- Pray
- Show the person you care.
- Encourage the person to reach out for help.
- Choose a healthy diet.
- Exercise to relieve stress.
- Rest when appropriate.
- Seek out social activities.
- Listen to music.
- Discover ways to help others in volunteer situations.
- Journal thoughts and feelings.
Family secrets need to be dealt with love, compassion, empathy, and sincerity. Forgiveness is the key to restoring relationships. Remember, no matter how deep the pain, healing is possible with support, faith, and perseverance.
Lethal Standoff deals with the damage of unresolved family secrets, issues that threaten to destroy relationships. Like us, the characters who choose to survive the chaos, grasp the resources, tools, counseling, and prayers for healing. They are the heroes.
Are you ready to help someone work through painful secrets?
US Resources
“The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk – This book delves into how trauma affects the body and mind, offering insights and strategies for healing.
“Healing from Hidden Abuse” by Shannon Thomas – This book addresses the subtle forms of abuse and provides steps toward recovery.
“Forgiving What You Can’t Forget” by Lysa TerKeurst – Offers a Christian perspective on dealing with deep hurts and finding forgiveness.
Organizations
Focus on the Family has an outstanding related article—When Family Secrets Come Out: How to Work Through Your Feelings and Find a Way forward. They offer a range of articles and resources on family dynamics and healing.
American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) – Provides resources and directories for finding professional Christian counselors.
Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (ACA) – A support group for individuals who grew up in dysfunctional households.
Hotlines
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) – For anyone in crisis or emotional distress.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357) – For those seeking help with addiction and mental health issues.
Canadian Resources
“Trauma and Recovery” by Judith Herman – This classic book provides a comprehensive look at the effects of trauma and pathways to recovery.
“Healing the Child Within” by Charles Whitfield – Focuses on inner child work, which can be particularly relevant for those dealing with family secrets.
Organization
Kids Help Phone – Provides 24/7 counseling and support for youth in Canada. They can be reached at 1-800-668-6868 or through their text service.
Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) – Offers a wide range of mental health resources, support services, and local branches across Canada.
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) – A leading hospital in Canada providing treatment for mental health and addiction issues.
Hotlines
Crisis Services Canada: 1-833-456-4566 – Provides suicide prevention and crisis support.
Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention (CASP): Provides information and resources for those dealing with suicide.
Disclaimer:
The content of this article is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, therapist, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or psychological condition. If you are in crisis or you think you may have an emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately
Meet DiAnn Mills
DiAnn Mills is a bestselling author who believes her readers should expect an adventure. She weaves memorable characters with unpredictable plots to create action-packed, suspense-filled novels with threads of romance. DiAnn believes every breath of life is someone’s story, so why not capture those moments and create a thrilling adventure?
Her titles have appeared on the CBA and ECPA bestseller lists; won two Christy Awards, Selah, Golden Scroll, Inspirational Readers’ Choice, and Carol award contests.
DiAnn is a founding board member of the American Christian Fiction Writers, an active member of the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers, Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Mystery Writers of America, the Jerry Jenkins Writers Guild, and International Thriller Writers. DiAnn continues her passion of helping other writers be successful. She speaks to various groups and teaches writing workshops around the country.
DiAnn has been termed a coffee snob and roasts her own coffee beans. She’s an avid reader, loves to cook, and believes her grandchildren are the smartest kids in the universe. She and her husband live in sunny Houston, Texas.
DiAnn is very active online and would love to connect with readers on: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Goodreads, BookBub, YouTube, LinkedIn or her website: diannmills.com
Darlene, thank you so much for hosting me today!