She cradled her newborn in her arms and marvelled at God’s precious gift. They had waited so long and their bundle of joy finally arrived. Her heart was bursting.
Have you ever wanted something so badly and wondered why God wouldn’t give it to you? I’m sure you have.
Jeff and I were married on Oct. 3, 1998 and began our life together. Things were going well. Yes, we had some bumps along the way, but we were happy.
After a year and a half, we decided it was time to start our family. Month after month after month, and nothing happened. Disappointment and frustration set in.
Once again I started to ask God why. Why can’t I get pregnant? Wouldn’t I make a good mother? You promised to give your children the desires of their hearts. Why? Why? Why?
Jeff and I talked about going to a fertility clinic. We both struggled because it felt like we were trying to “play God.” We prayed and asked for direction.
A few weeks later we made a decision and booked an appointment. This was a big step for us.
We took the road of tests, fertility drugs, and artificial insemination. And it was a twisty turny one with many ups, downs and switchbacks!
“God, where are you?” I asked after discovering yet again I wasn’t pregnant. I wept in my husband’s arms. We were both perplexed.
The fertility doctor suggested injections and other avenues. Once again we struggled with how far to go in this process. Did we want to keep going? It was becoming too hard on both of us.
We cried out to God to show us. He answered, but not in the way you think.
Peace washed over us like a fresh rainfall. We knew our fertility visits were over. We travelled the road as far as we felt was best for us. It wasn’t an easy decision, but we knew it was the right one.
It took time, but God revealed to both Jeff and I that we were a family of two. And that was okay.
Was it hard to come to that realization? Of course. There are still times I’m brought to tears when I see a baby, and the ache returns, but I’m content in knowing God’s plan for us is a dinner for two. We are our own little family. That makes me happy.
Whenever God takes me through a difficult journey, I try and ask myself “What is He teaching me?” In this case, God not only taught me to trust Him with every aspect of my life, but to be content with what He’s given me.
Friend, what is God teaching you in your journey?
Philippians 4:13 (KJV)
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
P.S. The baby in the picture below is my great niece – Anaiah Audrey Pearl Harrison. Anaiah in Hebrew means “God answered.” Amen!
P.S.S. This ends my blog entries for “My Story.” Next week I will begin a different journey, so stay tuned!