Shattered Dreams

I watched my husband of five years from across the lunch room table. He couldn’t look me in the eyes and I knew even before he spoke, my dreams were about to be shattered. The waiting was like watching a movie in slow motion. Trepidation set in.

Finally, he spoke. “I’m not happy anymore. You’re not the woman I married, and I’m moving to Toronto to think things through.”

My jaw dropped. Dumbfounded, I struggled for words. It seemed like an eternity before I found my voice. I asked what he meant when he said I had changed. He couldn’t answer me. I asked if there was another woman. He said no, and left. Bewildered, I sat in utter confusion and devastation, still not believing he gave me this shocking news at the end of my work-day.

I’m not exactly sure how I made it home that dreadful day, but I do remember sitting on my couch staring into space. My thoughts tangled together like the threads beneath a needlepoint as I tried to make sense of the sudden mess my world was in. I couldn’t think of what to do next. I went through many emotions and asked the typical questions. Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? Where was God? I shook my fist and yelled.

My husband returned a few days later to gather his belongings, and I confronted him. I was angry and needed answers. I asked if we could go for counselling, but he said it was too late, and that he didn’t love me as a wife anymore. I felt defeated and once again, he left.

Days turned into weeks, and I began to deal with the pain of losing my husband. I turned to my family, friends and church for help. Slowly, God became more real to me than I thought possible (I will share more about this in the blogs ahead).

Even though the healing process began, something kept nagging at me. I knew my husband was keeping a secret. One he wouldn’t admit.

Months later, he confirmed my suspicions. He didn’t leave me because of another woman. He left because I WAS a woman. He wanted to live a life of homosexuality, and I didn’t fit anymore.

How did I deal with something like that? It wasn’t easy, but I did the only thing I could think of. I ran into my Saviour’s arms and let Him cover me with His wings. It was there I found shelter.

If your heart is crushed and your dreams shattered, don’t give up. Please come back and visit my blog each week. I pray you will find it helpful as I piece together how God took me from brokenness to restoration, and set me free to soar again.

Until then,

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4 (NIV)

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  4 comments for “Shattered Dreams

  1. July 19, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    Well done, Darlene. Your life experiences, combined with your heartfelt writing, are sure to give comfort and encouragement to your readers. I look forward to reading more.

  2. July 19, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Wow thanks for your honest Darlene! It’s so very brave of you and I admire it. Still waiting for God to give me the go ahead to share parts of my story.

  3. susan steeves
    July 24, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Hey sweet sister,
    I am so!!!! proud of you and it is amazing to see how God is using your story for His journey for others. For you readers that are following this journey, you will receive a true sense of hope as she unfolds this story. Remember I’m her sissy and I know what happens. I am thrilled to see her soaring like an eagle, with God’s grace. LOVE YOU DAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Darren Steeves
    July 24, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    Hi Dar. Just wanted to let you know how your post touched me. Knowing how both you and Susan went thru so much makes my heart both ache and rejoice at the same time, Ache because of the pain both her and you went thru, and Rejoice because of how God worked in you and how well you came to the other side. Love you and Jeff lots,

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